Around the time I was living in Long Beach, on my own, I thought I was an adult. For the first time ever I was living in a place that I was paying for. Working so much to able to live, to provide for me and my daughter, the cat. There was two separate group of friends of mine I saw often. The ones from here that were old co workers and the creatives I met out in Florida that moved to LA. Being with the creatives it felt like we were adults, but in a fun way, if that can even be. I guess just going out and experiencing cool-easy-going stuff. I did not have to care much about the hard parts of growing up so much. The conversations were quick witted and light hearted. None of us sounding like an adult. Being with the other group, I felt a shift. The difference I noticed was the more mature and responsible nature of the talks. Regarding to work and big purchases, and just the outlook on life too.
There were times when I was with the creatives group and they did or said something that I thought was quite foolish and wanted them to just grow up- like I myself was any better than them. I felt this ick from feeling stuck in this youngish, childish mindset when I was with them. Just act your age! Which is silly in hindsight as we were in our early 20s, all of us.
When I went on to live with the non creative group, towards the end of my time there I became annoyed, like something in me changed. I got tired of their mindset, hearing their responsibilities, and seeing what new high end materialistic junk they purchased. Why can’t you guys be a little more loose? We are wasting our young years by staying inside- working all the time. Can we act our age for once? I got my fix whenever I saw my friends in LA. Going out to clubs, random parties in the hills. I got the best of both worlds.
A lot of time has passed since I lived with both of these groups. I am far removed from all of them. I live somewhere completely different, my friends are different. I have not had to think of acting a certain way or talking a certain way in a while. It isn’t until quite recently after meeting a few people or talking to old friends. Hearing about the responsibilities they have, the career they are pursuing, the salary that they want, real adult things. Thinking about this got me overthinking. Overthinking then got me to start crying. Mourning over my youth. It is quickly fading away.
I’ve met some guys on dates, all different, but they share something in common: they are taking on a job that will pay them so much, even though they do not care about the job. They went after a really boring desk computer job that will let them live comfortably. I’ve never been so turned off in my life! Hey I mean someone has to do those jobs. The whole job using math and big nerdy things is not what turns me off, entirely. It is the whole mindset that they have of acquiring work that they don’t like. Slaving away just for money, a crap ton of money. For me I need to enjoy a majority of the job I am doing, plus have coworkers that I enjoy. Those are vital, if I do not have those I tend to drift away.
Just thinking back on these guys I went on dates with and having to talk about work and money made me want to run. Running far from them because I myself am not working a job that is a career and does not pay a lot. I feel so young and embarrassed to a small degree. Like I am this 26ish woman who has a weird job talking to some dude that makes six figures? Yeah this is odd and I feel out of place, we are not the same. But let me say that I do not believe any of them to be more inferior to me because of money. I also should remind myself that jobs come and go, this job is a stepping stone, a holding place, until I find something I love. Although, I am very unsure of what that will be.
I want to be a kid, I want to be an adult. How can I get the best of both worlds in this situation?
Now For Some of My Favorites ATM:
Challengers (2024) by Luca Guadagnino
You know when I first saw the trailer I was not completely sold and the only thing that warranted me to give it a chance is that Zendaya is in it and it’s a film by Luca Guadagnino. After seeing Bones and All I was losing interest in the guy as I believed that movie to be a stinker. He redeems himself with Challengers big time. Every shot and writing in this is well flushed out. The man and his DPs have this amazing talent for making me feel like I am reflecting? It feels dreamy and nostalgic. They achieve this through soft warm lighting and grainy film. Excellent,smart writing with characters that you just all care about. There has been a bunch of movies in this year alone that I just don’t have any connection for anyone. They all have their aspirations, are they good people? Not all, but it’s still just so intriguing to watch this trio grow together.
This was great enough for me to see it twice! That means something, right? Also, that score from Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross! Put that on whenever you need a boost of motivation to get something done, it will help greatly.
Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Frida Cinema
The Frida Cinema is a non-profit arthouse theater in Santa Ana. It is the only one in Orange County actually. Every month a resident shadow cast that goes by the name Kaos organizes the night. Special drinks and goodie bags with props for the show are sold. This was my first time ( yes I got marked as a virgin) seeing the movie with a shadow cast. I knew it was a thing, but I never had a group of friends that cared for it. I went with coworkers of all people and it was grand time. Hearing my friends and the audience heckle the movie was so interesting, but funny as a lot of the jokes were so silly and raunchy. There was a true sense of community that made me feel welcomed. At the root of my likeness of the evening, it just had a community feel to it. I can’t wait to go to the next screening.
Here In The Pitch - Jessica Pratt
The singer/songwriter has finally released another album after about six years! She has blessed us! Old fans of Pratt will be satisfied with new project as she keeps that dreamy-mystical sound, while still deterring away from the lullaby sounds. This album is more jazzy and uptempo in comparison to the old. Her vocals just make you melt and feel cozy. Something I personally love about her.
My favorite tracks on the album are:
The Last Year
Better Hate
World on a String
Well my dear readers, thank you again for making it this far. I hope you have a great rest to your Monday and rest of the week. Remember, please, to drink water, go for a walk, and empty that trash bin already! Come on! It has been a few days already, HOP TO IT. Okay. Love you.